Energy

I've never talked about this to anyone, but it's something I've been wanting to blog about for some time now. I have been waiting for TIME to pass, I don't know if I've waited long enough, but I've just decided to do it. I really hope no one takes anything I say the wrong way.

Now, I'm not claiming to be psychic or anything, but I do think that I have always been sensitive to things. I am a pretty good judge of someones energy. I feel a closeness to people in a short period of time, and I think it's because our energy's connect some how. Sound Hokey? I KNOW, that's why I don't talk about it much.

This particular incident that I'm going to talk about has really confused me...mainly because I don't know why I felt the way I did. I guess, I can't imagine the purpose of me being, I guess privy, to such feelings...



A little background:

My grandpa and I share a birthday on August 24th, and for as long as I can remember we celebrate it together. Like I've mentioned before on my blog, I come from a big family, 22 grand kids, (with one on the way) of which I am the oldest, and including my kids, 5 great grand kids. And we are all over at my grandparents house all together probably once a month.

Well, this last birthday fell on a Sunday so we all met over at my grandparents house on our exact birthday and everyone was there except for my Aunt Cindy and 2 of her girls. My cousin Sarah had moved to Logan the day before, starting her first semester of college, and my cousin Katelyn had a fireside that Cindy went to with her.



Now back to the STORY...as we were all out on the deck eating treats and opening gifts I started to feel really weird...I should mention that I was PRETTY pregnant and it wasn't unusual for me to feel uncomfortable or annoyed, but I rarely/never felt the way I was feeling that day. I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach, I felt weak on my feet, I felt nervous. I asked my mom if she thought that I would be feeling like this if my blood pressure was high (I have had high BP in the past) but she didn't know.



In the mean while my mom's cousin Kelly came over to see everyone and while she was over there her and my uncle Steve started talking. Usually Steve is a real smart ass. Really funny, but rarely serious. And I for some reason got up from where I was sitting and moved to the other side of the deck JUST to watch their interaction. Kelly had just had her second son and her and Steve were talking about how he has never met either one (or it had been a long time ) So she said that she would be right back and went over to her moms house, who lives behind my grandparents house, and get her little boy for Steve to see. This was SO odd to me. I remember CLEARLY thinking to myself, "Why is he being so nice and interested in Kelly's family?" maybe feeling a little jealous that I felt like he never gave Audrey a second glance. But I just sat there, across from them observing them the WHOLE time she was over. When she left I remember thinking of Steve in a new way; it was a softer side of him than I had ever seen (except for when he is with his own kids) and I felt really overcome by that. But this nervous/weird feeling that I was experiencing was not going away and I getting even more uncomfortable.

I thought about going into the hospital just to get my blood pressure checked or something. I mentioned that to my grandma and she told me that she had a blood pressure machine in her house and went to get it. Well, for the first time in my whole pregnancy I had LOW BP. I think it was 117/something. (It was usually 140/80 something) Why it was low, beats me.



For the rest of the evening I was really interested in everything that went on with Steve.

I have a mental picture of him sitting on my grandparents porch swing and my Aunt Leslie scratching his back. And that exchange really touched me.

I remember him talking with his daughter Megan. She saying how much her mom was crying when they took Sarah to college and how she didn't cry that much when Meagan went 2 years ago, and Steve said...almost these exact words, "You're mom is crying because she is becoming more aware that everything is about to change forever, 2 kids are now at college, Ben is starting kindergarten, and you could be getting married soon, she just knows her life is about to totally change."

Ok...these things that I am remembering and telling you about may not seem to be of much importance, but it was VERY unlike me to ever interact with Steve, let alone observe him, he has always intimidated me. He was a BIG teaser, and I was a VERY sensitive kid, therefore he made me cry quite a bit while I was growing up. Nothing malicious, but never the less, even as an adult, whenever I was around him I turned into an insecure 13 year old girl again.



POINT OF THE STORY...



Steve died of a unexpected massive heart attack that next day on August 25th, 2008. I REALLY and TRULY believe that I was having all of those uneasy feelings because of something in me that was sensitive to the energy that was, I guess, in the Universe. I believe in energy and feelings and in moments where the veil is thin. I believe that my heart was softened towards him that day for an eternal reason. And I believe that this event, as horrible as it is, is part of SOME plan. Some plan that we don't remember. Some plan that I BELIEVE we agreed to in the pre-existence . I pray for my Aunt Cindy to be able to embrace all of these changes that are in her life.



Our son was born on September 27th, 2008 and we decided to name him after him, Bradley Stephen Foster. I never talked to Travis about any of these memories/feelings/whatever, but we both felt like it was appropriate to name him after Stephen Wayne Brown.