My husband would say...

My husband would say that this, what I'm about to write, Is "kinda personal" but I often say things that should be "kinda personal" so here it goes...ENJOY.

For those of you who know me you know that I am not very organized. I try to be, I really do. I buy organizers, baskets, and more baskets. Trav thinks I need more. haha

I even checked out a book at the Library called "How to organize your family" and I lost it. Seriously, I lost it, it is cost me $22.

Also, I HATE feeling obligated to do anything. I always have. That's why I never did very well in school, and that's shy I never joined any clubs, (except the bowling club and if I didn't want to go...I didn't) Even once I had a calling in church that I SUCKED at because I just hated having to report to someone, I know pretty embarrassing! So, the reason I'm telling you, all of my like 10 readers, is because I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. So. I decided to do it publicly.

Here are a few of the things that will be changing in my life...starting first thing tomorrow morning.

My friend Marci and I will be going to the gym most mornings from 6-7am. This will be a good thing for 2+ reasons. The first one being I'll be working out. The second being that I will be up and energized before my kids are awake. I've been feeling guilty lately of putting Audrey and Bradley in front of Barney for about the first hour of the morning while I take my time waking up and getting things started. I just feel like being awake before them will be a good change for us and n0t being so lazy will be a good change for me.

My goal is to lose 60 lbs. That sounds SO OVERWHELMING!! I can't even imagine it. I've made a plan to celebrate with a new item of clothing with every 10 lbs.

I've been trying to lose weight for my whole life. Ever since I was in 3rd grade I've been the fat girl. Kids in elementary are NASTY!! I remember trying to lose weight for my aunt Leslie's wedding. I think I was like 9 years old. I remember my grandma making me my baptism dress and being so embarrassed to have her measure me. I was teased about it until about 8th grade, it finally let up then. I think it was due to the fact that I had/still have an amazing group of girlfriends. There were/are about 11 of us and we all just kinda stuck together and people knew us, and Hillary had awesome parties. Anyways, it's been a struggle.

Despite the teasing, I've always had a pretty good self esteem. Over the years I've often wondered why that is so. And I think or I know it's because of my belief in God and the relationship that I have with Him. That is the basis of my self worth. I've always, mostly, been able to see the bigger picture in a situation. Although I didn't feel pretty or skinny or whatever, I always knew that's not what really mattered.

But here I am 27 years old, married with 3 kids and I want to change. I want to feel pretty and skinny, because although it's not all that matters...It does matter to feel good about yourself.

I've had to stop working as a massage therapist because of my "skin condition" and when I was working I really did feel good about that. It was came pretty easy for me to build up a "client list" (did you see that Lifetime movie, if so, I wasn't that kind of therapist) and I felt like I was good at what I did .

I know being a mother is a wonderful thing, but the days are mostly the same. I do the same things everyday, like all mothers do. Wake up to kids, baths, breakfast, bottles, naps, lunch, school, naps, dishes, dishes, dishes, laundry, laundry, laundry and laundry and when they go to bed Greys Anatomy. K, maybe all mothers don't watch Greys. You get the picture. I'M BORED! I'M fat and I'm going to change it.

I hold all of you accountable, k maybe not accountable, but I'd love your support and encouragement. Encouragement NOT to eat what I shouldn't, or NOT to drink that Diet Coke. I'm going to be less stubborn and try to do this although, because I told you to, you expect me to.

I'm also going to read my scriptures every day. I have to say that I've never really done that consistently. I know it will only bring goodness into my life, so I'm going to do it!

Maybe I'll track my progress. Maybe I'll never talk about it again, I don't know. All I know is that I need a change and I need to be that change.